


Ice

by daisey (svana_vrika)



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Drabble, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-08
Updated: 2005-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4495002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svana_vrika/pseuds/daisey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seto contemplates the catalysts that have caused his life to change</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ice

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2005 for the defunct Yahoo! group, A Dragons Lair. Unbetaed. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> Disclaimer: The following is written solely for fun, and no infringement is intended. Saiyuki and the scenarios and characters involved are the intellectual property of Minekura Kazuya.
> 
> No spoilers of which I'm aware

He hadn't always been ice. At one time he had been like a brook: happy and young and carefree, laughter coming as freely as clear water bubbling through rocks and over falls, smiles as beautiful as the sun glinting off of the water. But then it started: the freeze. 

It came gradually, as most great changes do, beginning with the death of his mother- followed by that of his father. Slowly- through the treachery of family members who wanted only the money his parents had left behind and not the children, through the bullies (adult and child alike) at the orphanage, through hopes being raised and crushed as family after family passed him and his brother over- slowly, he began to change. His innocent heart and mind began to cloud, much like water does when it is forced to slow down to a more 'serious' current. The more time he spent at the orphanage burdened with the care of himself and his brother, encumbered with the whispers of 'nobody wants you' or, even worse in his mind, 'they want you but not Mokuba' the more like a river he became. His laughter came less frequently; when it did it was like stumbling across some secret, untouched bend in a river, where the sunlight still glinted and made the murky waters beautiful. 

And then _he_ came. Gozaburo came, with the sole intent of harnessing the genius child that he had heard rumors of, of using the power of the young boy's mind to further his goals. Just like the industrial giants of old, he claimed the boy as his own as they claimed the water for their own, polluting his innocence even further as he stole the boy's mind and body, and attempted to steal his heart and soul. And had it not been for Mokuba, he may have succeeded. But just when Gozaburo would think that he had managed to dam the boy up into a cesspool for his own uses, a smile would break through, or a laugh; sunlight can make even the dankest waters appear beautiful. 

So Gozaburo did the unthinkable. He took away the sun. He stole it through threats and promises of what could and would be done to Mokuba if the protégé didn't behave and do as he was told. And because there was no laughter, because his heart and soul had become polluted and sluggish, because his sun had been hidden away, he froze. The longer he spent under his stepfather's tutelage, the thicker the ice became. By the time Gozaburo died, there was only a tiny bit of freedom left in his heart, buried deep beneath the frozen layers- there only because Mokuba, like the sun, had only been hidden and not stolen away all together. 

And despite the fact that the sun was no longer hidden by his stepfather's threats, despite the fact that he now had the choice to unthaw, he remained as ice. He was solid. Unmovable. Unbreakable. Or so he thought. But even the thickest ice can be shattered if hit at just the right angle with just the right force. And the right angle and force to shatter him had come in the unlikeliest of forms: a duel with Yugi Mutou. 

But it wasn't losing to Exodia that shattered him; it was the mind crush that followed. And as he came out of the fog, as the cloud that had polluted his vision was lifted by the spirit of the puzzle, he caught a glimpse of gold. For the first time that night he realized that Yugi had not come alone; that he had been accompanied by Jounouchi. And even as he remained on his knees in a slump of defeat, as he watched the golden-haired, amber-eyed boy congratulate his friend with a hug and a smile, he felt something stir. 

But shattered ice is, after all, still ice. And though it is easier to melt than a solid block, it takes time all the same. And sometimes sunlight just isn't enough. Sometimes an intense heat, a flare, a flame is needed, especially when dealing with years of accumulation. Such was the case with him. Despite the gentle sunlight of Mokuba's love, he needed a stronger heat: a heat that would melt the pieces of ice so quickly that he didn't have time to scoop them back together into a solid chunk again. And he found that heat in Jounouchi. 

Every time they argued, every time they fought, more of the shattered pieces melted away- turned back into water. Though his smiles were only chilly smirks, thought his laughter was cold and came only after a particularly good insult at the mutt's expense, he was once again smiling and laughing. And suddenly he was no longer a pent up pool, but a river again- water that, without the addition of further pollutants; with movement and sunlight and a great amount of time, slowly begins to clear. 

But it wasn't enough. Deep inside, clinging stubbornly to his heart, a blackened chunk of ice remained. Each time he thought he was free, each time he threatened to open up, tendrils of ice and poison would cloud the fragile waters. "You're not good enough." "You don't deserve to be happy." "You don't deserve... him." And that last whisper from deep within nearly froze him again. But Jounouchi noticed and resented the ice that threatened the CEO's soul once more.   
He should have known something was up when the blonde followed him into the library. He should have sensed the rise in current and temperature as Jounouchi followed him to the back corner where he always went to read. But it wasn't until he found himself pressed against the wall with the blonde's mouth hot on his that he noticed the waterfall up ahead. It wasn't until he found himself desperately responding; his hands tangling and stroking and grabbing that he allowed himself to plummet over the edge. It wasn't until he pulled back and saw the need, want and love in those beautiful eyes that he felt himself hit the sharp rocks below. It wasn't until he answered Jounouchi's unspoken question by whispering "I love you too" that he felt that last dirty contaminated chunk of ice shatter and melt away all together. 

He hadn't always been ice. And while he would never go back to the innocent clear waters of the brook of his childhood; with the gentle sunlight of Mokuba's love and the refining heat of Jounouchi's, he would never be ice again.


End file.
